Coming from a family of alcoholics (6 months in)

This is the third of three checkins during 6 months of not drinking. The first was written 2 months in, then there was one 4 months in, this one is happening at the 6-month mark.

Things that have changed since last checkin

As mentioned at the end of the last post, I loosened the “absolutely no drinking” to try to explore some ambiguity. What happens if I think it’s ok to have a drink on “special” occasions? I’ve had 11 nights where I imbibed. Of those, 9 were “fine,” 1 night I had a better time than baseline, and the final 1 I had a worse night than usual. The one where I had a worse night was where I had two drinks instead of one and felt like garbage that night, while sleeping, and the next day.

The data

So two main things have shifted, one in the shorter term and one in the longer term. The shorter term is the re-introduction of alcohol on occasion. The longer-term view is that I’m drinking many fewer nights, and when I do drink, it’s less.

The experience

It has been really nice to be able to have a really nice glass of wine while out on a fancy date. I’m still interested to see if there are interesting mocktails first. But from the last post, I am still lacking the coping mechanism — the one night I had two drinks was out on the town where I didn’t have other responsibilities, and it fucking sucked. So. That’s still lacking, and the lack is notable.

The three things to check in on

FAMILY (REED, LOCKE, HOUSE) HAVE BEEN GETTING A REDUCED VERSION OF ME

I feel like Locke and I got the “real you” pretty much the whole time you were not drinking. You were not always happy, but you seemed yourself. I can’t speak for Locke, but it meant a lot to me. I like you more like that.

REED WAS CONCERNED WITH THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY I WAS SPENDING DEAL-MAKING WITH MYSELF AROUND SUBSTANCES, AND HOW IT NEVER SEEMED TO SUCCESSFULLY RESOLVE

Reed and I agree that this is where the most progress was made. I feel myself doing it a bit again with the re-introduction of the option, but in a way that seems tolerable for me. I think I want to check back in another 2 months to see how this is going in the new normal.

WE WORKED SO HARD TO ADDRESS THE BRAIN THINGS THIS YEAR, BUT I NEVER TRIED GIVING UP DRINKING FOR ENOUGH TIME TO TRULY GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM

Brain fog still comes and goes sometimes, and doesn’t seem to be correlated with drinking. Was still worth the experiment.

Going forward

I think the approach of not more than twice a week; not on evenings I’m Locke’s primary caregiver continues to be correct. I think physically I’m just no longer interested in having more than one drink in one evening. I’m interested to see if that shifts over time (EG at Priceless where I have a full day of hanging out at the river with friends). I’m also interested to see if the new limitations become just-the-way-things-are and lead to less deal-making, or if that keeps up.