diamond geezer

What's been your greatest disappointment?

Something you hoped for, something you missed, something you messed up, something you lost... something that totally didn't go the way you wanted.

I ask because there's a total eclipse of the sun today and I think that's what my greatest disappointment was. Twenty-seven years ago (yesterday) was as disappointing as it gets.

One reason it was so disappointing is that it was so incredibly rare. Only one total eclipse of the Sun was going to be visible in the UK during my lifetime so if I missed it that was it. I wasn't around in 1927 for the last one and I wasn't going to be around in 2090 for the next, which I suspect is also the case for most of you. Also you had to be within a stripe of Cornwall and Devon just 70 miles wide, also you had to be there during the precise two-minute window otherwise you'd never see the exceptional bit. The event had singular SIGNIFICANCE, the ultimate one-off phenomenon.

Another reason it was so disappointing is that I'd been waiting ages for it to happen. Eclipses are entirely predictable so even when I was a child I knew precisely when and where it would happen. I think I discovered this in either the Guinness Book of Records or the Guinness Book of Answers in the mid-1970s, where the inside cover was devoted to a large graphic showing the Great British Eclipse of 11th August 1999. The date engrained itself upon my consciousness and my anticipation only grew throughout my teens, increasingly intent that when I reached the ancient age of 34 I would try my damnedest to be there. The event had maximum EXPECTATION, a buzz built up over decades.

The third reason it was so disappointing is that I'd put in so much effort to be there. I started dating a Cornish native and persuaded them to take the week off too. I made a booking on a hotel room a year in advance, paying well over the odds. I endured endless moans because spending a summer holiday back where you were born isn't everyone's idea of a good time. I joined the traffic jams entering the county and manoeuvred myself into the right position, moving heaven and earth so I'd be there when heaven shadowed earth. The event had maximum INVESTMENT, both in effort and expenditure.

And then of course it all went wrong. The weather forecast was already gloomy when we set off from Essex four days earlier and then only got worse, inexorably lowering my EXPECTATION. After totality was clouded out I was asked "was that it?" and endured retrospective sneers for months, wiping out all of my INVESTMENT. And as sunlight flooded back I realised I'd blown it for a lifetime, it was now abroad or nothing, such was the SIGNIFICANCE of an unseen must-see. From the very highest hopes to the cruellest of all losses, that morning on a Cornish lawn brought the greatest of disappointments. I suspect some football fans feel like this on a regular basis.

But can SIGNIFICANCE, EXPECTATION and INVESTMENT be used to classify some of the other great disappointments in my life?

» When I was six or seven I got inordinately excited that Santa Claus would be riding down my street before Christmas. I understood that it was all organised by our local residents association and that'd he only be on the back of a truck, not a sleigh, but I still believed the real Father Christmas would be visiting Croxley Green. A list of streets and times had been circulated in advance but crucially not a map, so the entire family wrapped up warm and walked down to what we thought was the right location in good time. Nothing happened and no Santa ever appeared, even though we hung around for a good hour in case there'd been some kind of delay. Trooping back home I must have been disconsolate, for which my apologies, such was the significance of what hadn't happened. Sure I only wasted an hour so my investment wasn't huge, but my expectation had been sky high and I can still recall the bitter disappointment.

» A couple of summers later at my primary school Sports Day, the collective disappointment was liquid based. Our class teacher said there'd be refreshments but we'd have to pay a penny for a ticket, and promised us straight-faced it'd be orangeade. We all knew orangeade as the yummy fizzy drink that came in bottles so we paid up with good grace and each received a paper ticket on which was typed ORANGEADE in capital letters. Imagine our crestfallen faces on the day of the event when we handed in our tickets and received in return a bogstandard cup of orange squash. We hadn't been expecting Cresta, merely Corona or equivalent, but all we got was some acerbic over-diluted own-brand. Sure we'd only invested a penny and it was just one hot afternoon, but somehow the communal sense of resentment made the disappointment so much worse.

» In May 1975 we went on a family holiday to Alderney, a small but fabulous island which we explored thoroughly. Towards the end of the week we discovered that the Queen Mother would be visiting on our last day and very much looked forward to catching sight of her. Alas all we saw was her black limo driving past Essex Castle - not even a wave - so thought we'd missed our chance. So you can imagine our delight when it transpired Her Majesty would be departing the airport at precisely the same time we were flying home, and the thrill as we saw her car drive up. Alas it drove round the back of the Royal Wessex helicopter so all we saw underneath was the Queen Mother's legs, and only very briefly as she climbed aboard and flew away. The expectation of a significant royal sighting had been enormous, but this disappointing glimpse was for many years my sole view of any member of the Royal Family.

» Jumping ahead somewhat, in the early 2010s I had an interview for a new job at a prestigious London office. I was the perfect candidate and delivered what I hoped was a winning interview, heading off afterwards with a spring in my step. Alas here I met the only other person in the country similarly qualified, a long-departed nemesis, and realised I did have competition after all. Nevertheless I anticipated victory so was utterly deflated when a thin envelope arrived containing a rejection letter, not the thick wad of paperwork I'd been expecting. I realised afterwards that I'd given the wrong answer to one of the questions - the industry equivalent of fool's mate - so had in fact made the panel's decision for them. I thus missed out on an incredibly significant job opportunity through over-confidence, and should have invested more time in preparing beforehand. Thankfully it all worked out brilliantly in the end because the role would have been a poisoned chalice, but at the time it felt like hubris had led to a catastrophic disappointment.

My argument today is thus that the greatest disappointments are those that maximise SIGNIFICANCE, EXPECTATION and INVESTMENT. And in my life to date paying over the odds to fail to see a long-awaited solar singularity must be the greatest disappointment of all.